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Dad's Role

Everyone knows that mothers endure a tremendous trial to bring children into this world. When we think about labor and the process of giving birth, we don’t usually think about the father’s role. According to movies he just sits next to the mother, holds her hand, and gives encouraging words. In reality, there is so much more that men can do to help their partner bring their little baby into the world.

Dad’s Role Before and During Labor

Physical Health

Men contribute 50% to the fertility and the conception of your baby. Overall health strategies leading up to your child’s inception (e.g. exercise, avoiding drugs, healthy diets) can improve the quality and quantity of sperm. Other factors also influence sperm health.  The life cycle of a sperm averages between 72 and 74 days.  Ejaculation may contain 400 million sperm, and only one may fertilize an egg. When conditions are right, sperm may stay alive for up to 5 days after ejaculation. If you and your spouse have not been successful in having a baby over a 12 month period see a doctor.

Attend labor classes with your partner

This is a great way for you to understand what will happen during the birth. In these classes, you learn different labor positions, breathing techniques, and other advice to help the mother through the birthing process. Madison Memorial offers a variety of Labor Classes to help prepare expectant parents for childbirth.

Talk to your partner about her wishes and be her support

Does she want a natural birth? Does that natural birth include an epidural? Do you want the umbilical cord cut right away or after waiting a few minutes? If your child is a boy, will he be circumcised? It can be helpful to discuss these and similar questions before the birth. This can help to lessen stress during the delivery.

The father can fill an active role in the delivery rather than just sitting and waiting for the baby. Along with providing words of comfort or giving massages, you can be the labor coach. The mother needs someone that she knows and trusts; this is where the father’s role comes in. You have a bond with the mother and she trusts you. Help her to feel that she isn’t alone and that she has the support she needs.
Husband talking to wife while sitting on a couch

Play an Active Role in the Delivery

You and your partner have talked with the provider about your preferences for birth. Dads can play an active role in this experience by communicating the preferences that you and your provider have agreed on with your Nurse. Dads can help her with relaxation and have her favorite music playing in the background if that is helpful to mom. Dads are great facilitators to help with Mom’s needs.

Ultimately, urgent circumstances may take away possibilities, decisions, and choices. Our healthcare team is accountable for the health of the baby and mother and will do everything in their power to ensure the best possible results. Work with our team to provide the best outcome for both your partner and baby.

Dad’s Role at Home

 Bringing your newborn home is a special time for new parents. But as excited family and friends flock in to assist the mother and admire the baby, they may leave the father forgotten on the sidelines. With all this attention directed at mother and baby and the special bond that they share, he may feel that the mother is leaving little or no time for him. These feelings of isolation or jealousy are not abnormal; don’t belittle yourself if you experience these emotions on any scale.

If your partner is having a hard recovery, help her to feel comfortable. Become the caregiver to fill all of her needs. This includes cooking, cleaning, and assisting in every way possible. For her health’s sake, it’s sometimes appropriate to encourage family and friends to wait a week for her to recover before visiting.

Communicate with your partner

Talking with your partner can help ease fears or negative moods so that this memorable time in your lives can remain special. As you talk together about your feelings, remember not to be accusatory or purposely fault-finding. She probably isn’t doing these things to purposely hurt or isolate you, so sounding contentious will only distance you both from each other. Just tell her what you’re feeling and let her express her feelings too. That way you both know what the other is experiencing and can understand where your partner is coming from.

Father holding baby on his shoulder looking out a window

Take Turns with Parenting Tasks

Incorporate both partners in the parenting work. This can help reduce feelings of isolation for both parents, as each can see that you are working together with your child. Ideas for spending quality time with partner and baby include walking the baby in a stroller together, taking turns changing diapers, and snuggling all three of you onto a couch for a movie. While moms have to do all the feedings if she chooses to breastfeed, you can help during the night by rocking the baby back to sleep.

Watch Mom’s Health

While this may be a hard time for new dads, remember that new moms aren’t symptom-free either. Take time to make sure that she’s doing alright, even if she’s putting on a brave face for all the excited visitors. She’ll need to recover both physically and mentally during this postpartum period.

Physical Health

  • After getting the doctor’s okay, encourage and remind your partner about doing pelvic floor exercises. Over time these can help strengthen her pelvic muscles, but remember that her body won’t go back to prepregnancy shape in a week. It took 9 months for her body to stretch and adjust, so be prepared to wait several months for everything to feel normal again.
  • C-sections require a longer recovery time at the hospital. After getting the okay from doctors, help your partner walk around the room. This will get the blood circulating and can prevent blood clots.
  • If your partner had a c-section, help her with physical tasks such as carrying things. Her surgery will take time to heal, so she shouldn’t be lifting anything heavier than the baby for several weeks.
  • You may feel impatient to begin your love life again, but don’t be too hasty. Talk with your partner and doctor about when it’s safe to begin those kinds of activities.
  • Sometimes women will become temporarily anemic after childbirth. This process may have begun while she was still pregnant, but with her recent blood loss, she’ll have even lower iron levels. If your partner is experiencing numb feet or hands, extreme fatigue, or trouble concentrating, she may have an Iron Deficiency.
  • Having a baby requires plenty of recovery time, so help your partner eat healthily to restore her strength. Cook Healthy Meals full of leafy greens, lean meat, and whole wheat, and provide plenty of water to stay hydrated.

Mental Health

  • The crazy hormone changes the mother faced during pregnancy won’t disappear for a while still. Be patient with all her ups and downs and be her support. If she feels that you’re not listening to her concerns, it can create a rift between the two of you.
  • Watch for signs of Postpartum Depression or Postpartum PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), such as extreme bouts of crying, irritability, or sleeplessness, or if she’s completely overwhelmed several weeks after the birth. These are more severe than the common baby blues and need to be treated professionally. Getting help is beneficial for both mother and baby’s health.
Man looking out a window while resting head on hand

Practice and Have Patience

Remember that no one is naturally a perfect parent. It takes time and practice, so don’t give up if the first few diaper changes or burping sessions feel foreign or uncomfortable. Spending some quality time with your little one will help you ease into your role and learn what techniques your baby best responds to. This time may seem confusing or overwhelming, but your involvement can help your partner, new baby, and yourself feel loved, cared for, and special.